Wednesday, May 16, 2012

SUBJECT: You MUST be in control!


I am such a fool for sending praise your way. Again, you have shown that you are completely distracted by anything but ridicule and scorn. Your new policies are useless unless you can defend them with some air of authority.

Rather than rely on your dim wit, let me give you very specific guidance on how to handle criticism.

  1. Rant and rave about how wrong your detractors are. Use vague allusions to 'being out of touch with QA practices', 'being against quality', 'not having the best interests of the company at heart' and other indefensible accusations.
  2. Justify each policy with something like "Clearly, Section IV Paragraph 10g is needed for the auditors", "If you object to Section III, Paragraph 1 then are you prepared to accept any and all consequences if something should happen?" or "If you don't understand why every bit of Section XX is needed, then I question your ability as a manger!"
  3. Dismiss future objections with predictions like, "Everyone that still has concerns about this must have an ulterior motive", "Keeping QA out of your project is one way for some people to centralize their control within the company" and "It's so sad that rather than to find any meaningful objections to these policies, people resort to name calling, distractions and other non-issues just so they can continue to be lazy and undisciplined"
The general key is to accuse others of using the meaningless tactics you yourself are using to defend your policies.

Don't forget, I've been around longer, so I know better.

Your Superior,
Auntie Cueway

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