Tuesday, April 30, 2013

So many tests....

TO: gunther@corp.com
FROM: auntie@corp.comSUBJECT: So many tests....

I got a call from IT saying that one of your servers was running low on disk space and would I approve an upgrade. After some digging, I saw that it was the test case management system I sold you. 

Now, I know that the test cases only take up less than 100kb of data each and the requirements are less than that. You don't add attachments to the test cases. So I wondered if you were 're-purposing' this system for other use. What else could explain the 5 full 10Tb harddrives.

Then I looked at your projects in the system. Good Lord, there must be 100,000 test cases with corresponding requirements for each of the 50 projects you are testing. I'm not sure how you managed to find that many requirements for some of these projects. The smaller ones don't even have a 1000 lines of code....

But now that I think of it, that could explain why you demand a 2 month regression  cycle where you have to hire outside testers to release anything.

Keep up the good work!

Fondest Wishes,
Auntie Cueway

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Even more ambitious

TO: gunther@corp.com
FROM: auntie@corp.com
SUBJECT: Even more ambitious


I got a call from my marketing manager for the Trade Journal I own. She sent me this ad and asked if I knew about this. I almost blushed with pride!

Keep on thinking of these great ideas!

Your ever loving,
Auntie Cueway

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

I see you are branching out

TO: gunther@corp.com
FROM: auntie@corp.com
SUBJECT: I see you are branching out

My Baby Einstein,

I had heard that there was some trouble with the virtualization environment which caused a 2 week outage in the development environment. It turns out that this system has a history of being unreliable, though we were convinced to make a purchase by the low price. Unfortunately, support is charged at exorbitant prices and is not available 24 hours a day.

Then I saw the name of the vendor GNAS (Gunther Network Access Storage) and I shed a tear of happiness. Congratulations!

Auntie Cueway.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

TO: gunther@corp.com
FROM: auntie@corp.com
SUBJECT: Your efforts are paying off, but take care...


I knew you were up to something when you started to pour over the team rosters. Little did I know how ambitious your plans were!

You managed to convince isolated teams to migrate their testing efforts over to your team, using my software (and the appropriate licensing fees, thank you very much). You made the isolated teams feel they were missing out by implying that everyone else was doing it. Then, you convinced all the teams that were at the main building to buy in since there were so many others signed up as well.

Since they had no personal connections with those teams, they didn't look into it any further.

Now, you can claim to be a victim of your own success and get nothing accomplished!


Your very proud Auntie Cueway.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

TO: gunther@corp.com
FROM: auntie@corp.com
SUBJECT: I see what you did there.

My Most Clever Nephew, Oh my! This move has stirred things up quite a bit! I'm not exactly sure how you managed to sabotage the phone system AND the email system (or is it that you are able to make it appear so?), but I am just now starting to see your plan. By being in a separate building, people have to rely on phone and email to contact you. Nobody is concerned when you don't pick up the phone or email right away. So there's no way to know if you are attending to their problem or not. Someone has to spend an hour in just driving time to get to and from your office, so hardly anyone bothers. You can now slow down projects by claiming that you didn't get the email or voicemail! Very clever! If you keep this up, you may be ready to prepare others to follow your lead.

 Keep up the good work!
 Your Favorite Auntie
TO: gunther@corp.com
FROM: auntie@corp.com
SUBJECT: You continue to confound me

My Most Needy Nephew,

I'm not sure what to think when I heard you volunteered to swap office space so that the Accounting Department could be closer to the Payroll department. I had remembered that you had done some pretty heavy back-stabbing to get those offices for you and your team last year.

You had one of the best offices in the building for yourself, close to the parking lot so you could leave early and come in late without notice. You had a set of restrooms that were inconvenient for nearly everyone except your team.

Now you find yourself in a completely isolated building that is not very well kept and not very convenient to get to.

What are you up to?


Monday, July 2, 2012

TO: gunther@corp.com
FROM: auntie@corp.com
SUBJECT: Very Cute


You young kids always keep me on my toes! When you asked me about getting your ears pointed, I didn't really understand the meaning you associated with it. I had assumed you either had some sort of 'imp' look you were going for or were a huge Star Trek fan.

But then you started doing this strange style to your hair with a little point between your eyes. I must say, I chalked it up to some new fad that old people like me just didn't understand.

But after making a casual remark to Mr. Headcheese, he explained that you are a big fan of Dilbert's Mordac. I wasn't aware of this character, so I looked him up. Oh Boy! You have certainly nailed the likeness to a T!

Keep up the good work,

Your Loving Auntie.