Sunday, May 20, 2012

SUBJECT: Long-term planning

My Darling Gunther,
I've been waiting for you to be ready to take on this long-term plan. I keep on waiting, but you aren't making the progress that I was hoping. But rather than wait for you to be ready, I have to start now and hope that you can keep up.

This plan will take several years, but will end up keeping your detractors off balance in a more permanent fashion. Here is the basic plan:

  1. Adopt a formal testing methodology. I've been working on promoting a methodology called SQUAB (Software QUality Assessment Board). This methodology embodies 'enough' actual quality verbiage to seem legitimate, but enough distraction to throw any projects that use it into chaos.
  2. Become a member of the SQUAB steering committee. Once the company has taken the leap to accept the methodology, they will jump at the chance to be represented on it's steering committee.
  3. Invest so much time, that your current duties suffer. Again, so much of the company's efforts will be invested at this point that pulling out will not seem like an option.
Your first task is to pass the attached documents to your team and have them talk up this methodology among their peers. In six months, I'll have you propose that the company formally adopt it.

Ever Yours,
Auntie Cueway

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