SUBJECT: I see what you did there.
My Most Clever Nephew,
Oh my! This move has stirred things up quite a bit! I'm not exactly sure how you managed to sabotage the phone system AND the email system (or is it that you are able to make it appear so?), but I am just now starting to see your plan.
By being in a separate building, people have to rely on phone and email to contact you. Nobody is concerned when you don't pick up the phone or email right away. So there's no way to know if you are attending to their problem or not.
Someone has to spend an hour in just driving time to get to and from your office, so hardly anyone bothers. You can now slow down projects by claiming that you didn't get the email or voicemail!
If you keep this up, you may be ready to prepare others to follow your lead.
Keep up the good work!
Your Favorite Auntie