Thursday, April 5, 2012

SUBJECT: Not your best work

My little Gunther,

I'm not sure why you have disregarded my previous warnings about the director. I'm hearing rumors that he's beginning to reconsider your appointment. You realize that if you fail me, these lucrative kickbacks will stop and you will be out of a job!

I have always provided you with a good position and have led the way for you to rise within Corp's ranks while being able to keep my own involvement a secret. This is how you repay me? Your father tried to warn me when I wanted to hire you. He said you were not up to the task, but I stood by you. My only hope now is that you can show enough improvements in your team to head off a disaster.

It's clear that you are unable to think of these things yourself, so here is what you need to do. You need to push your team to write and run as many tests as they can, regardless of their value. Then, you need to write as many bug reports as possible. Take that notebook you've been keeping on system quirks and write up a half dozen bug reports for each of these. Now pay attention, this next part is critical. For each bug, you must follow your bug reporting guidelines perfectly. There should be no question that each bug report is well-written and represents a true quirk. You should give each version of these bugs a wide range of priorities so not to draw attention to what you are actually doing. Hopefully, with this explosion of new tests and defect reports, the Director will ease his suspicions.

Your Loving Auntie Cueway

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